Northside Region Sweet 16

#1 Holiday Inn Bar versus #5 Bear’s Den

The Match-up:

Deep in the heart of Old Washington,
archeologists have discovered an iconic totem
pole sculpture of the Great Drunken Bear God
that was once worshipped by a primitive
Native American Indian tribe named the
Jamboreeans in the Hilleans.
These peaceful pooch-hunters & gatherers
were known for trading beads and beaver pelts
for NASCAR tee-shirts, jean shorts, and chaw.

[I just said ‘beaver pelts’… snicker, snicker]


What the Blogosphere says:

On yelp.com, brokenknee@architects.com wrote:

“How? Kemosabe.
Me Jamboreean in the Hilleans Big Chief.
Me smoke ’em the peace pipe
with other Injun Warriors
in the parking lot of Hardee’s.”

#2 The Forum versus #6 Muddy Miser

The Match-up:

Last time I was boozing at the Forum,
I was seated at the bar surrounded by a pre-party for the
Cambridge Junior High School’s Sweetheart’s Dance.
The Sweetheart’s Dance is like an 8th Grade Prom.
This only made me feel slightly creepy in a
Lawrence Taylor kind of way.
But hey, Jason Seckman was there, too!

“Hello ladies, how’s Ohio History?
Is that pimp John Ritter-mofo Mr. Gibson
still throwing game at Billie Lewis’ fine Bea Arthur ass?”

What the Blogosphere says:

On savorycity.com, amish@whatsyourbrasize.com wrote:

“The Muddy Miser’s back porch overlooks
the Muskingum River. That river is so brown
it looks like a tributary of Seneca Lake
after that frickin’ guy in the Mohawk
goes brown trout fishing.”


What former West Virginian Mountaineer Power Forward,
Kevin Pittsnogle, says:

“A Prom for 8th Graders?
Par-TAY!
Ladies, in Morgantown,
people call me
Kevin Poonnogle!”