The Northside Region

#1 Holiday Inn Bar versus #8 The Elk’s Club

The Match-up:

Snaggletooth’s Liar is a heavy favorite against Cambridge’s version
of the Buena Vista Social Club. Picking an upset in this first round match-up
would be the equivalent of the song I once heard a West Virginia stripper
serenade a truck-driver with at the Holiday Inn;
“Crazy… Crazy about feeling this wayyyyy…”
[“Hey, you in the Wolf Shirt over there by the pool table, stop laughing!”]

What the Blogosphere says:

On yelp.com, brokenknee@architects.com wrote:

“Look for the Elk’s to get smashed like a bathroom mirror at a Xmas party.”

#4 Roland’s Hi Li versus #5 The Bear’s Den

The Match-up:

This could be the best first round match-up of the entire tournament.
Roland’s Hi Li is like a Milwaukee bar straight out of “Lavern & Curly.”
“Schlemeil, schlimazel, hasenCOLTS incorportated.”
The Bear’s Den, also known as “Paul Bunyan’s Favorite Bar,”
celebrates the Lumberjack Festival like it was a plaid, grizzled Mardi Gras.
The Beast of Byesville battles the Wolf of Old Washington!
This is going to be a brawl!
Let the best mullet win.


What the Blogosphere says:

On Cambridge.citysearch.com, ankle@cheapasstextbooks.com wrote:

“After a long night of drinking Schlitz’s and Blatz’s at Roland’s… Splatz!
[If you look closely at the photo, there’s a pool of vomit near the backdoor.
You stay classy, Bile-sville!]

#3 Ruby Tuesday’s versus #6 Muddy Miser

The Match-up:

Ruby Tuesday’s might be Cambridge’s most elegant interior;
it’s tastefully decorated, with snug booths, and a plethora of natural light
(but it does not serve Natural Lite.) But the one thing that Ruby Tuesday’s
lacks is taxidermy. The same cannot be said for the Muddy Miser;
its new backroom must have the most gigantic moosehead this side of Saskatchewan.

What the Blogosphere says:

On urbanspoon.com, varm@specialteams.com wrote:

“Muddy Misers? Are architects going to start doing mudslides?
Muddy bungholes are most definitely not suuuper!”





#2 The Forum versus #7 The East End Tavern

The Match-up:

The Forum is the crown jewel of Southgate Parkway.
Deercreek, Rax, and the Dutch Pantry have all disappeared
like a Junior High Bank Teacher on the run (or gimp),
but the Forum has stood the test of time. And speaking of standing
the test of time, it looks like Ebenezer Zane built The East End Tavern
while Jesus was still wearing gold-plated diapers. Quite possibly the greatest
thing about this old, free-standing brick bar is that it directly faces the
entrance to Greenwood Cemetery. Thus any ‘waiting around to die’ old drunks
can stare longing at the cemetery gates like they were
Megan Fox in a tight tank-top.

What the Blogosphere says:

On savorycities.com, amishbart@whatsyourbrasize.com wrote:

“What ever happened to Ted’s Tivoli Palace?
Did Ted’s guido ass get deported back to Tivoli?
And what kind of frickin’ Italian name is ‘Ted’ anyway?”

What Dick Vitale says:

“This Region is the Battle of Southgate Parkway. Holiday Inn, Ruby Tuesday, and the Forum all have legitimate chances of making the Final Four. Southgate Parkway hasn’t seen this much action since Wendy’s Drive-Thru started staying open until midnight! Look for Roland’s Hi Li to dance into the Final Four like it was doing the Broken Knee Shuffle at a wedding at the Pritchard Laughlin, baby!”