The Cambridge Bar Brawl Bracket

My return to Southeastern Ohio has generated a tremendous amount of questions within the community; questions like, ‘How long are you back in town?’ and, ‘When did you get home?’

In fact, just the other day, while I was exercising [read: doing squat thrusts with my shirt off] in the Cambridge City Park, two different people stopped me and asked if I was Shia Labeouf. And then the next day, while shopping in the gift shop of the Hop-a-long Cassidy Museum, a family asked me if I knew how to get to Main Street Smorgasbord. [I answered “Yes” to both questions.]

But without a doubt, the two most frequent questions people in Cambridge ask me are:

#1 - “After enjoying a perfect night of shooting, going 8 for 8 from the field and 3 for 3 from the foul line, for 19 points and 11 rebounds against St. Clairsville, why didn’t Gene play you at all the next game; was it because you brought a gun into the locker room to play a prank on a teammate and ended up threatening to shoot him in his recently injured knee?”

And

#2 - “What’s the best bar in Southeastern Ohio?”

Answering to the first question is easy; much like Lil’ Wayne, (no relation to Big Wayne) I often “keep a pistol on my side and you don’t want to hear that thing talk.”

But answering the second question proves to be more complicated than solving a Mr. Pedretti math equation.

To answer this question, I’ve created the Cambridge Bar Brawl Bracket.

Much like the NCAA tournament, the Cambridge Bar Brawl Bracket is a head-to-head competition between elite institutions that deftly combine higher education, athletic prowess, and Mich Ultra.

This Sunday, I’ll select 32 bars in Southeastern Ohio, rank them, photograph them, and create a tournament bracket format.

Over the course of the next month, I’ll endeavor to get “bobcatfaced” at every one of these 32 bars.

At the end of the month, I’ll crown a winner, and I’ll do something extra special for whichever bar wins.

NO, I’M NOT GOING TO EGG IT!

Instead of “the hen’s High-five,” the winning bar can expect a visit by a certain member of the 1995 Cambridge State Runner-Up Basketball Team… wearing knee-high socks and Rec Specs.

[And photo-proof will be provided]