Why I Love the Muddy Misers

The reason why I love the Muddy Misers is NOT because
it has the best taxidermy in Southeastern Ohio.

Nor is it because its name sounds like Muddy Mudsliders,
which reminds me of my 3rd all-time favorite Cabin memory;
behind the Bread Thongs and the night Gumie’s drunk ass
fell into the lake & a kindly architect offered to give him
“mouth-to-penis” resuscitation.

Nor is the reason why I love the Muddy Misers because
the bar is themed after Zane Grey, although I do like the fact
that Zane Grey was such a pooch-hound that he made
T.J. look like Mark E. Bowers.

Now, I understand how outrageous this claim must at first appear.

Who could make Ethan’s protégé look like Mark E. Bowers?

But think about this; many people have a
secret homemade stash of porno?

But how many of these secret stashes end up in a museum?

Zane Grey’s secret stash of homemade porn
ended up in the Ohio Historical Society!

How pimp is THAT?

Nor is the reason why I love the Muddy Miser
because of its beautiful back patio that overlooks
the Muddy Muskingum River.

This patio is a great place to tip back a couple of
Great Lakes beers, grub some fish & chips,
or get ‘Kelly-faced’ with Groooovin’ Larry
like I did a couple of weekends ago.

[God, how AWESOME is the phrase ‘Kelly-faced’?
Too bad Rudy Holiday wasn’t more Zane Grey!]

No, the reason why I love the Muddy Miser
is because of how good I feel every time
I take a piss in its bathroom

Allow me to explain.

Pissing at the Muddy Miser became the feel good
story of the entire Cambridge Bar Brawl Bracket;
like Bo Kimble shooting a left-handed free-throw
in memory of his friend Hank Gathers Cunningham.

In the Muddy Miser’s shitter, there’s a huge framed
photograph depicting the controversial pass
interference call from Ohio State’s upset
of Florida in the 2002 BCS title game.

Many OSU haters claim that this call
was bogus and helped Ohio State
steal an undeserved victory.

[And by the way haters,
Ethan's waiting in the parking lot!]

But the feel-goodness doesn’t stop there.

Take a closer look at the plaque
at the bottom of the photograph:

Can you see it?

Can you see THE LOVE?

It reads:

“Donated by Choo Choo Chappelear
In memory of Freight Train Evans”

If that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye
then you haven’t drank enough.

But don’t worry,
Grooooovin’ Larry just ordered
another round of Buttery Nipple shots!

What Drunken Ass Steve Nash &
'Cousin' Dirk Navicky
say about the Muddy Miser

Somebody call
Eduardo ‘Tavio Soto’ Najera

We're getting
KELLY-FACED
TONIGHT!