This post could be subtitled: ‘Why I Don’t Love Roland’s Hi Li.’
Or it could be subtitled: ‘The Battle of Byesville.’
Or: ‘Turner vs Turner.’
[That sounds like a cross between ‘Spy vs Spy’ and the WWF plot
where Hulk Hogan and Randy ‘the Macho Man’ Savage team up,
with Julie playing the role of Wendy, and with Tut prowling
ringside like an angry, black Mr. Fuji]
Or it could be subtitled: ‘The Battle of Byesville.’
Or: ‘Turner vs Turner.’
[That sounds like a cross between ‘Spy vs Spy’ and the WWF plot
where Hulk Hogan and Randy ‘the Macho Man’ Savage team up,
with Julie playing the role of Wendy, and with Tut prowling
ringside like an angry, black Mr. Fuji]
Going into the Cambridge Bar Brawl Bracket, I had heard
lots of rumors about how Roland Hi Li was the best
bar in the Rolling Hills school district.
I had also heard rumors of how ‘Chop’ Broom & Gus Smalley
roll into Roland’s like Eddie Murphy & Richard Pryor
in the movie ‘Harlem Nights.’
“Is you disrespectin’ Chop?”
I knew of Roland’s three pool tables and of their
signature cocktail, nicknamed ‘Meadowbrook Milk.’
While Roland’s bartenders keep the recipe for this famous drink
top-secret, I’m pretty sure that it’s just Gin & Diet Pepsi.
After sampling ‘Meadowbrook Milk’ for the first time,
Gumie declared the drink better than Firewater
with a Zima chaser, and then offered to buy the bar.
[Roland’s IS for sale!]
lots of rumors about how Roland Hi Li was the best
bar in the Rolling Hills school district.
I had also heard rumors of how ‘Chop’ Broom & Gus Smalley
roll into Roland’s like Eddie Murphy & Richard Pryor
in the movie ‘Harlem Nights.’
“Is you disrespectin’ Chop?”
I knew of Roland’s three pool tables and of their
signature cocktail, nicknamed ‘Meadowbrook Milk.’
While Roland’s bartenders keep the recipe for this famous drink
top-secret, I’m pretty sure that it’s just Gin & Diet Pepsi.
After sampling ‘Meadowbrook Milk’ for the first time,
Gumie declared the drink better than Firewater
with a Zima chaser, and then offered to buy the bar.
[Roland’s IS for sale!]
But to be honest, the Buffalo Bar and Grill makes Roland’s
look like drinking Mad Dog 20/20 in the shitter at halftime
of a Meadowbrook vs Cambridge football game.
To begin with, Buffalo Bar and Grill is gigantic!
It has three huge rooms, and a back bar that’s only open
on weekends and/or for Meadowbrook High School reunions.
Typical Meadowbrook High School Reunion Question:
“When did you get out of da joint, Darryl?”
Typical Meadowbrook High School Reunion Answer:
“About the same time that my brother Darryl went in.”
In addition to its sheer size, the Buffalo Bar and Grill
claims to be Dom Capers’ favorite bar on earth.
And it’s a well-known fact that Dom Capers
is the John Glenn of Meadowbrook.
Actually, he might be cooler than John Glenn
since the ‘Rocket Man’ has never drank
anything stronger than Kick.
And speaking of Kick, if there were a Battle Royal of all
local celebrities, I’m pretty sure Dom Capers would
kick John Glenn in his spaceballs like he was
Darth Helment, and then he would pour a
MGD down his throat.
Did I say that Dom Capers was the
John Glenn of Meadowbrook?
He sounds more like the
Chuck Norris of BUFF-alo!
[And you’re next, Doug ‘Candy Ass’ Donley!]
look like drinking Mad Dog 20/20 in the shitter at halftime
of a Meadowbrook vs Cambridge football game.
To begin with, Buffalo Bar and Grill is gigantic!
It has three huge rooms, and a back bar that’s only open
on weekends and/or for Meadowbrook High School reunions.
Typical Meadowbrook High School Reunion Question:
“When did you get out of da joint, Darryl?”
Typical Meadowbrook High School Reunion Answer:
“About the same time that my brother Darryl went in.”
In addition to its sheer size, the Buffalo Bar and Grill
claims to be Dom Capers’ favorite bar on earth.
And it’s a well-known fact that Dom Capers
is the John Glenn of Meadowbrook.
Actually, he might be cooler than John Glenn
since the ‘Rocket Man’ has never drank
anything stronger than Kick.
And speaking of Kick, if there were a Battle Royal of all
local celebrities, I’m pretty sure Dom Capers would
kick John Glenn in his spaceballs like he was
Darth Helment, and then he would pour a
MGD down his throat.
Did I say that Dom Capers was the
John Glenn of Meadowbrook?
He sounds more like the
Chuck Norris of BUFF-alo!
[And you’re next, Doug ‘Candy Ass’ Donley!]
Plus, I have an extra special reason to love
the Buffalo Bar and Grill; wifey bones
used to live in the white house directly
across the street from the joint!
And her mom still works at the blue carry-out
liquor store and bait and tackle shop next door.
And that’s the house where I actually
picked her up for our first date!
How awesome would it be to live across
the street from the Buffalo Bar and Grill?
You could eat a
King Frouk for breakfast,
liver and onions for lunch,
and Old Milwaukee for dinner!
Put a man on that diet and look out Dom Capers!
“Put me in coach, I’m ready to play… offensive line!"
After a month of that diet, even Gumie could play
Offensive Tackle in the NFL like that big
Chronic looking motherfucker
from The Blind Side!
What the First Lady of the
United States of America,
Michelle Obama, says
about the Buffalo Bar & Grill:
the Buffalo Bar and Grill; wifey bones
used to live in the white house directly
across the street from the joint!
And her mom still works at the blue carry-out
liquor store and bait and tackle shop next door.
And that’s the house where I actually
picked her up for our first date!
How awesome would it be to live across
the street from the Buffalo Bar and Grill?
You could eat a
King Frouk for breakfast,
liver and onions for lunch,
and Old Milwaukee for dinner!
Put a man on that diet and look out Dom Capers!
“Put me in coach, I’m ready to play… offensive line!"
After a month of that diet, even Gumie could play
Offensive Tackle in the NFL like that big
Chronic looking motherfucker
from The Blind Side!
What the First Lady of the
United States of America,
Michelle Obama, says
about the Buffalo Bar & Grill:
Look out
Cambridge!
Me, Barack,
& Joe Ballin’ Biden
are gonna dominate
this year's Gus Macker,
Chicago style!
Cambridge!
Me, Barack,
& Joe Ballin’ Biden
are gonna dominate
this year's Gus Macker,
Chicago style!
